I first met Norma in 1984 when I started dating my now wife Tina. In all that time I came to know her as a woman of grace, elegance, pride, and determination. Above all, Norma was a woman who was extremely confident in her own skin and knew exactly where she stood—right with her family.
Norma was so much more than just my mother-in-law…she was elegance and grace personified. Norma loved all of her kids with an unconditional intensity—and their kids—and their kids (one great granddaughter rounds out the family tree at present). She was friendly, polite, and courteous whether she was meeting you for the first time or knew you all her life. Norma was also the best apple pie baker I ever met (and I know people who have competed in the Culinary Olympics). She wasn’t limited to pie either—her date squares were a Christmas treat I looked forward to every year, right up there with my Nonnie’s anisette cookies.
Norma was my biggest fan when I wrote my music blog, and would have a critique of the music I posted each week whenever we spoke. Being a piano and organ player, she especially enjoyed when I wrote about keyboard players. When I interviewed Jordan Rudess from Dream Theater, she commented not only about how good his music was, she noticed that he “held his hands properly” and she could tell he was “properly trained and must have been a very good student when he was young.” I always enjoyed listening to Norma’s playing…I can only hope she knew the comfort and solace her playing gave me.
I mentioned the love she had for her kids, but there was also a fierce motherly protection and a determination to see them all succeed at whatever they chose to do. I was there to witness firsthand the heartbreak when she lost her eldest son Rob to pancreatic cancer in 2016. A mother’s pain never heals…yet Norma found the inner strength to carry on.
One of Norma’s true gifts was to make you feel like you were the most important person in the world to her at that moment. Norma would know a stranger’s life story within ten minutes of meeting them, and she would remember all the details—kids’ names, birthdays, weddings, anniversary dates, even where they grew up…and she would re-count it the next time they met.
Norma’s relationship with her husband Ernie was something to behold. My wife Tina and I were helping them with meals and basic household chores lately (as it got difficult for them) so we would stop by each night. If they weren’t arguing about something silly (and then making up), they were watching TV together. I sincerely hope and pray that 65 years in Tina and I have as strong a bond as those two had.
I will always remember the night of December 29th 2021; Ernie was being taken to the hospital via ambulance (he tested positive for COVID). Norma got up from her chair and walked with determination to the kitchen, standing next to the range holding onto her walker. I stood next to her, and asked if she wanted a chair. With a steady voice and eyes welling up she said, “I’m going to stand right here.” She never took her eyes off the doorway, waiting for Ernie to come out. When he did she said, “I love you Ernie.” He responded, “I love you too, kid.” I was bawling on the inside… No one knew for sure then, but that was the last time they saw each other in this life…Norma also contracted COVID and succumbed on January 3rd, 2022.
There aren’t many people I can honestly say I admire, but Norma is definitely on that list. Norma taught me that being parent is indeed the toughest job you will ever love. You reason with two-year olds, make decisions you never thought you would have to, and shine the spotlight on every accomplishment they achieve. You cry when they cry, you laugh when they laugh—and you’re always there as a shoulder, an ear, or just a hand. Norma showed me what love really is…the world needs more people like her—and I’m so grateful that God allowed my path to cross hers. I am the one that was blessed.
Goodbye Norma Lucille Rawling Malo, a more perfect mother-in-law God has not graced the planet with.
